"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do.
God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know,
and holds us responsible to act." Prov 24:12

Thursday, September 30, 2010

One Year Ago Today...

One year ago today my life changed forever.

One year ago today I laid my eyes on this picture for the first time...




Oh my goodness, this picture brings such tears to my eyes. Sasha looks so small. His big brown eyes still call to me when I look at this picture. This picture will ALWAYS be a treasure to me because it literally changed my life. This picture changed Sasha's life. This picture brought us together as mother and son.

October 1, 2009 started out as an ordinary fall day. Heath, Brooks, and I went swimming with two of my friends and their little ones. During the course of our time together at the pool, my friends brought up the subject of adoption because they knew that Jeremy and I really wanted to adopt one day. I explained that we wanted to keep our options open so we didn't really have a country in mind, didn't have a gender in mind, didn't know if we wanted to adopt a special needs child or not... I explained that I truly believed our child would find us one day. By keeping our options open and not putting ANY limitations on what type of adoption we would pursue, I truly believed our child would be brought to us.

After we left swimming, I came home with my two lovely boys and put them down for a nap. At that time I got on the computer and did what I had done a thousand times before... looked online about adoptions and headed over to look at the children on the Reece's Rainbow site. I cannot tell you how many times I had been to that site. I cannot tell you how many pictures of children I had looked at over the years but something changed on October 1, 2009. I saw Sasha and I froze.

I could not take my eyes off this precious picture. I did not go any further. I just sat there and looked at his picture for what seemed like hours. And then I did what I have never really done before, I emailed Shelley at Reece's Rainbow to get more information about this precious child that was staring at me with those big brown eyes in one of the most beautiful pictures I had ever seen. I was in love.

It's funny because for about three months or so before this date, I kept hearing a song on the radio that brought me to tears, literally, every time I heard it. It was so strange to me at the time. This had never happened before but this song moved me in a way that I simply cannot explain in words. It was "Show Me What I'm Looking For" by Carolina Liar. I truly believe God was speaking to me during this song and I was finally beginning to realize where I was meant to be and who I was meant to turn to, to change my life. I begged God during this song, through my tears, to save me and to show my what I'm looking for. Might sound cheesy but it's true. I was tired of being lost. I was tired of being confused. Then God did preciously what I asked of Him and on October 1, 2009, he definitely saved me and showed me exactly what I was looking for.

Sasha, you are truly a treasure and I have tears streaming out of my eyes as I write this. You are such a joyful child that is changing the world each and every day through your beautiful spirit. You radiate a kind of joy that I have never experienced before in my life. I feel so honored and so blessed that I was called to be your mother. One year ago today Sasha, you and your precious big brown eyes in a picture from a country halfway across the world, changed my life forever...

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Love

I LOVE my boys!